True love, A theory proven wrong or just crazy ass people?
The title of this post could be misleading if you read the rest without clicking on this link.
These are the people I pose the question about: http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/08/12/courthouse.shooting/index.html
One of my exes is notorious for keeping in touch with all of her exes. No surprise that she is the only ex-girlfriend I remained close friends with. Anyway, she's all the way in Phoenix worrying about an ex-boyfriend in her hometown (Mobile, Al.) marrying a white woman. So that meant we had to have THAT discussion. That discussion that every black man who truly doesn't care about other people's business dreads. We have had the discussion before. I'd rather have it with her (again) because she has dated white boys in high school. I have dated white girls and women as well when I was dating for fun. We both agree there is nothing like a black sig. other to come to when the world is on your back in that special way.
I know I can only marry a black woman. I don't base that decision on the almost 500 year history of clashes between European and African cultures. I don't open up a history book, watch Bamboozled or read The Souls of Black Folks and say,"See that's why I won't marry a white woman." I don't base my decision on any one person who did me wrong or who did right by me. I really don't base my decision on what I call "outside the relationship issues" interracial couples deal with day-to-day. Been there, done that and could care less about what people think. I wouldn't be Melvin if I did. I base my decision on the fact that I don't want to come home to someone who sympathize with the struggle. I want someone to truly understand automatically. I want someone to truly walk with me. I don't want to have to force someone from a race of people programmed to think one way for 500 years to learn how I've been programmed to think. Their is a severe difference between slave mentality and slave master mentality. Hate to break it to some people but those two mentalities are still within our communities and think (another blog for another time).
It's a little like my reasoning behind an age gap. I don't have time to teach someone younger nor do I want to someone older trying to teach me based on their life experiences. I need an equal. God's plan for marriage demands that two are equally yoked. I believe that also means in ideology, lifestyle and mental age among other characteristics.
Back to the point, I find it funny that my ex in Phoenix would agree with what I just wrote, but takes it a bit further. She believes a white person will not stick my a black spouse when during trials and tribulations. She feels that a white spouse is not equipped to go through hell or high water with a black spouse. Furthermore, she said that interracial couples make up about 2% of marriages and have the exact same divorce rate as "regular marriages" (60%). Therefore, interracial marriages don't last. A nice statistic. It sounds correct, but I won't back it until I find it during my own research. I can't completely agree with that for two reasons.
ONE
The children of interracial marriages: I still wonder sometimes how it was when the first Irish and German decided to mate. Or how society reacted to (let's be real) slaves and former slave jumping the broom with a native Americans. Granted there is little history of hostility between the two groups of groups, but I can't look past the fact that no one cares. Is it because it was so frequent that we had no choice? I understand that society looks at black and white biracial people and ask,"Who do you identify with, black or white?" Simple answer: Both. What people are really asking is "On which side of slavery's history do you stand?" That's the paradox. It's not about skin tone it's about cultures. The walking paradoxes are living proof that one day society will have no choice but to recognize that cultures can be mixed. Therefore, it's not impossible.
Today? Again, I don't have time in my life to deal with it. Plus, I would like to see more growth in the black community and less assimilation before cultures merge. The only way to see growth in anything is from the root. The root is the family ('nough said).
TWO
Marriage: Those who toy with marriage as an idea, just think it's fun OR those who turn it into a simple legal binding contract are doomed anyway from my standpoint (black couples, white couples, interracial couples whatever). Those who believe that marriage is two people coming together in the name of God and/or for true love have a better chance obviously. Who in the world am I to say that a couple married out of lust just by glimpsing at an interracial couple. Who am I to say that a couple isn't equally yoked. I can't assume things. Call it my journalist and Christian programming. Forgive me for believing that people marry because they love each other and/or want to do right by God before assuming otherwise. If I learn otherwise that's fine, but to assume right off the bat is not my style.
Keying back to the beginning and the title, I found my exes theory interesting until I remembered that George Hyatte and Jennifer Forsyth Hyatte, the interracial modern-day Bonnie and Clyde, were caught in Ohio earlier that evening. (In case you didn't click first like I told you to: http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/08/12/courthouse.shooting/index.html) I asked her what about this couple. This white woman allegedly helped plan and carry out the deadly escape of her black husband. She will probably do time for him. HECK she even took a bullet in the leg for him (sounds like a bad Ja Rule song). I don't know of any woman who will do that for the me. I would say that that is going through hell and high water for him. I pose the question again. True love, a theory proven wrong or just crazy ass people? All of the above.
Sidebar: Crazy and dumbass people
1: Come on. These idiots thought they could escape U.S. marshals in the Bible belt.
2: I swear it was her dumb idea to catch a cab from Erlanger, KY to Columbus. No black male fugitive in their right mind would go through Kentucky to Ohio from Tennessee with a white woman. So I thought.
3: You would think they would have switched cars and he'd say, "Baby we need to go east to blend in. Let's rob a bank and go shopping in NY." Hell after I got stopped and detained in Kentucky for DWB (Driving While Black if you forgot) it took a few weeks for me to go back through by myself.
These are the people I pose the question about: http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/08/12/courthouse.shooting/index.html
One of my exes is notorious for keeping in touch with all of her exes. No surprise that she is the only ex-girlfriend I remained close friends with. Anyway, she's all the way in Phoenix worrying about an ex-boyfriend in her hometown (Mobile, Al.) marrying a white woman. So that meant we had to have THAT discussion. That discussion that every black man who truly doesn't care about other people's business dreads. We have had the discussion before. I'd rather have it with her (again) because she has dated white boys in high school. I have dated white girls and women as well when I was dating for fun. We both agree there is nothing like a black sig. other to come to when the world is on your back in that special way.
I know I can only marry a black woman. I don't base that decision on the almost 500 year history of clashes between European and African cultures. I don't open up a history book, watch Bamboozled or read The Souls of Black Folks and say,"See that's why I won't marry a white woman." I don't base my decision on any one person who did me wrong or who did right by me. I really don't base my decision on what I call "outside the relationship issues" interracial couples deal with day-to-day. Been there, done that and could care less about what people think. I wouldn't be Melvin if I did. I base my decision on the fact that I don't want to come home to someone who sympathize with the struggle. I want someone to truly understand automatically. I want someone to truly walk with me. I don't want to have to force someone from a race of people programmed to think one way for 500 years to learn how I've been programmed to think. Their is a severe difference between slave mentality and slave master mentality. Hate to break it to some people but those two mentalities are still within our communities and think (another blog for another time).
It's a little like my reasoning behind an age gap. I don't have time to teach someone younger nor do I want to someone older trying to teach me based on their life experiences. I need an equal. God's plan for marriage demands that two are equally yoked. I believe that also means in ideology, lifestyle and mental age among other characteristics.
Back to the point, I find it funny that my ex in Phoenix would agree with what I just wrote, but takes it a bit further. She believes a white person will not stick my a black spouse when during trials and tribulations. She feels that a white spouse is not equipped to go through hell or high water with a black spouse. Furthermore, she said that interracial couples make up about 2% of marriages and have the exact same divorce rate as "regular marriages" (60%). Therefore, interracial marriages don't last. A nice statistic. It sounds correct, but I won't back it until I find it during my own research. I can't completely agree with that for two reasons.
ONE
The children of interracial marriages: I still wonder sometimes how it was when the first Irish and German decided to mate. Or how society reacted to (let's be real) slaves and former slave jumping the broom with a native Americans. Granted there is little history of hostility between the two groups of groups, but I can't look past the fact that no one cares. Is it because it was so frequent that we had no choice? I understand that society looks at black and white biracial people and ask,"Who do you identify with, black or white?" Simple answer: Both. What people are really asking is "On which side of slavery's history do you stand?" That's the paradox. It's not about skin tone it's about cultures. The walking paradoxes are living proof that one day society will have no choice but to recognize that cultures can be mixed. Therefore, it's not impossible.
Today? Again, I don't have time in my life to deal with it. Plus, I would like to see more growth in the black community and less assimilation before cultures merge. The only way to see growth in anything is from the root. The root is the family ('nough said).
TWO
Marriage: Those who toy with marriage as an idea, just think it's fun OR those who turn it into a simple legal binding contract are doomed anyway from my standpoint (black couples, white couples, interracial couples whatever). Those who believe that marriage is two people coming together in the name of God and/or for true love have a better chance obviously. Who in the world am I to say that a couple married out of lust just by glimpsing at an interracial couple. Who am I to say that a couple isn't equally yoked. I can't assume things. Call it my journalist and Christian programming. Forgive me for believing that people marry because they love each other and/or want to do right by God before assuming otherwise. If I learn otherwise that's fine, but to assume right off the bat is not my style.
Keying back to the beginning and the title, I found my exes theory interesting until I remembered that George Hyatte and Jennifer Forsyth Hyatte, the interracial modern-day Bonnie and Clyde, were caught in Ohio earlier that evening. (In case you didn't click first like I told you to: http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/08/12/courthouse.shooting/index.html) I asked her what about this couple. This white woman allegedly helped plan and carry out the deadly escape of her black husband. She will probably do time for him. HECK she even took a bullet in the leg for him (sounds like a bad Ja Rule song). I don't know of any woman who will do that for the me. I would say that that is going through hell and high water for him. I pose the question again. True love, a theory proven wrong or just crazy ass people? All of the above.
Sidebar: Crazy and dumbass people
1: Come on. These idiots thought they could escape U.S. marshals in the Bible belt.
2: I swear it was her dumb idea to catch a cab from Erlanger, KY to Columbus. No black male fugitive in their right mind would go through Kentucky to Ohio from Tennessee with a white woman. So I thought.
3: You would think they would have switched cars and he'd say, "Baby we need to go east to blend in. Let's rob a bank and go shopping in NY." Hell after I got stopped and detained in Kentucky for DWB (Driving While Black if you forgot) it took a few weeks for me to go back through by myself.
posted by Melvinator at 6:32 PM
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