I'm very glad my parents raised me right. I know that's a relative, notion however after reading this post I think most readers will agree. Well ... those who are lazy and comfortable in complacency won't agree, but odds are you have other issues.
I'm tired of seeing people with potential not live up to it. I'm tired of seeing that live up to their potential not give credit to the creator until all accomplishments and material things are taken away.
I'm tired of people blaming circumstances when their own lack of focus, hesitation, doubt and fear led them to unfortunate circumstances. And then have the nerve to want you to feel sorry for them. I have a friend who is trying to find what God wants her to do with her career. She doesn't feel right about what she's doing. She blames the the job market and the fact that she is a black woman. While another friend of mine who is the same age, same sex, same race, same career goal, had the same opportunities, and had more mitigating circumstances to get in her way is exactly where she wanted to be.
When confronted with ideas and ways to improve the situation she doesn't put in the effort to change it. It's one thing bitch and moan about The Man and the oppression of Black women when you're doing ALL they can (NOT A RELATIVE TERM) and attempting to make moves to improve the situation. It's another to not be focused ad fear failure. According to her, she feels like a failure already. What's there to lose. Don't stay down there. To quote one of my favorite
Amel Larrieux songs, "I know you're down, when you gonna get up."
Which leads me to another friend of mine. The point of this post. The previous situation was just an appetizer. I'm tired of people who are down because they sat on their butts all through college. The type that decided to party more than make moves and study. The type who spend their energy reminding you that they aren't where they should be instead of trying to better their situation. To be so comfortable in complacency yet so down about the situation that a person becomes a co-dependent alcoholic is sickening. Excuse my standards, but to see a man in that state makes me sick to my stomach. The "whoa is me" attitude can only be tolerated for a short time.
I watch this man for a year work for peanuts and complain about it. I watch this grown man waste the little bit of money he had after bills on alcohol instead of food. For a year, tried to show him that he'd save more money if he went grocery shopping instead of eating out for lunch and dinner all the time. I tried to show him that screwing around on his girlfriend isn't love. For a year, I attempted to be an example, but under the haze of alcoholism and self-doubt he couldn't understand that. He and his girlfriend (the type that thinks they are mature but really isn't)thought that I was trying to prove that I was better than him. If that was my motive I wouldn't have tried to help. I wouldn't have posted his resume on every site I could think find. I wouldn't have suggested ways to get back in school. He wouldn't listen. I basically held his hand like I shouldn't have and he still let go to reach for the bottle or the young girlfriend. Part of me thinks that he was listening to his young girlfriend on how to be a man instead of the one who bent over backwards to be a good example of one. I'm sure to someone reading this it makes sense for an immature woman to show a "whoa is me" type of man how to be the man God called each man to be.
I remember another friend of ours (we'll call him Jerry) asked me years ago if I knew anyone who could use a hook-up on tuition at Howard. I immediately thought of my complacent friend. The hesitation in Jerry's voice mirrored how I felt about the situation. "Would he take full advantage and finish school or will he make a half ass effort and end up where he is now? I don't want to waste it on someone who will screw around when I know someone else could be waiting for this opportunity" I said I'd talk to him to feel him out. I don't remember the entire conversation but my friend gave me the impression that he would BS it. I couldn't have been more disappointed. I told Jerry the deal and he said, "I'll move on with it then. He'll wake up and change one day." I did tell my friend soon after what Jerry had in store and that I told him to hook-up to someone else. My friend was okay with it. OKAY WITH IT! He was okay with people thinking of him as unreliable. I told him what I did to make him upset that he missed an opportunity. I told him so that he can be upset with me for getting in between him and such a blessing. I wanted him to call Jerry himself and ask for the hook up. I wanted the man to make an effort, prove me wrong and make me feel like crap over it. The difference between his current young girlfriend and I is that I'm not co-dependent on his co-dependence. I'd rather the man be standing on his own two feet, feeling good about himself and his roll in God's plan and never talk to me again than him being the way he is now. That's love. I'm not saying I'm a saint though.
Well that was 3 or 4 years ago when I was faced with that decision. This grown man hasn't changed. If I were faced with the same decision I am no more confident he would take full advantage than I was 3 or 4 years ago.
I could give up. Guess I could believe that I'm just a know it all who thinks he's better than everyone. I could become my enemy like the Bible says and develop a "whoa is me. No one listens to me" attitude.
I'd much rather believe that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. I'd rather be considered a know it all and taking full advantage of all opportunities than live in complacency complaining about my life. Thanks Mom and Dad for being great examples. Thank you God for giving giving me eyes to see the examples.
Oh and for those readers who think that I do believe that I'm better than everyone else I say screw you haters. The proof of my faith, prayers, effort, hard work is in the pudding. Praise God. Told you I wasn't a saint.
