[Names have been changed to protect the drunken]Friday night was exciting enough. The night led me to meet some of the crew at the Common Share and led another friend of mine to the back of a police cruiser for pissing on it.
However the night after, Saturday May 5, 2007 better known as Cinco De Mayo proved to be more eventful. After a hellish afternoon at work I couldn't wait to meet my friends at the Common Share. To add to Cinco De Mayo craziness, which in America has turned into another excuse to drink heavily, the De La hoya/Merriweather fight was going to be shown on all screens at our favorite bar.
After cabbing it to the bar from work, I join up with "Jan" and "Jim" while the scrub matches were on the screens. To honor the cinco de mayo American way tradition I began to drinking Coronas then we moved to Shock & Awes (if you don't know don't ask). Jan was all about the rum and coke (then a shock & awe) and Jim would settle for nothing less than a long island. Now i could tell that Jim had gotten a head start on us at home, but he seemed fine at that point. All of us were doing some major flirtin' with some of the other bar flies while listening to people argue with one another on how Merriweather would win the fight. Our favorite Bartender "Sam" was off that night so he joined us on the other side of bar to drink and watch the fight. Much alcohol, tequila shots and merriment was had... at first.
ROUND 1: The fight began and so did the craziness. It wasn't even midnight when the crowd open up from the back to make way for a bouncer practically carrying a man who had gotten too drunk. Jim did come to mind since last time I was at the bar with him he got ridiculously drunk to the point where that same bouncer had to ask me to take him home. "No way," I thought, "Not twice in a row." Oh yes! Jim was being carried out without his glasses, eyes shut. So I follow them outside as Jan and Sam continued to drink and watch the fight. The bouncer and I made sure he got a free cab home and off he went.
ROUND 2: I journeyed to the back of the bar to find Jim's glasses. All I could find were the frames with one lens. Poor guy, the bouncer said he "just fell out" so I have no clue how the glasses ended up on the ground. I walk back to Sam and Jan. Jan grabs me and says, "Please don't let me do anything stupid... I'm so f**ked up right now." Normally this meant just make sure she doesn't go home with a random dude. Which also meant Melvinator = cockblocker. Whatever she's my best friend I can be branded such a title for her. So we're watching the fight. I'm so into it I didn't notice Sam and Jan race back an available the bathroom. When I noticed the first thing I thought was, "oh crap... I totally didn't keep my promise and now she's throwing herself on Sam." Not to say that Sam would accept, but Jan is fine! Not to many people could resist. Of course, I didn't know how drunk Jan was until I knocked on the bathroom door. Sam opened the door after I gave the impression that I thought they were getting busy in the nasty ass common share men's room (closet really). Upon the door swinging open there Jan was slumped over the toilet with Sam holding her hair back screaming, "It's not that type of party man she's sick." I promptly apologize to my fellow Scorpio and took over. So Jan's doing her thing all the way through the fight as Sam comes back and forth checking on her. Dudes banged on the door promptly at the end of the fight and Jan was still not well. Sam came back again and we were able to get her in a cab.
ROUND 3: Sam stayed and I went with Jan to make sure she got home okay. The driver was odd at first. He almost didn't drive us to Maryland and wouldn't listen to me when I said that she was throwing up and we needed a plastic bag. It wasn't until she threw up in my brown leather jacket that the cabby pulled over and ran to the trunk for a trash bag. So we got to Maryland and I got Jan upstairs. I told her I'd get her car, bring it to her spot and crash on her futon.
Round 4: After giving the cabby a hefty tip I hunted for Jan's car in the mess of drunkin' Adam's Morgan bar flies. It was just where she said it was. I drove off and thought I should stop by the Share to tell Sam that Jan was cool and in bed. I park the car and ran to the Share for no good reason. At that point, I realized I was not in the most sober shape either. I ran into Sam and take the banter from the bouncer who assisted Jim out of the bar. Who do I see at my left? A woman who was suppose to join us for the fun but never showed. She had a box of Jumbo Slice in her hand and recognized me. Upon offering her a ride to the party that was awaiting her return with fresh pizza I realize that I forgot where I parked Jan's car. She patiently walked up and down the streets near the Common share in hopes that I would (one) sober up (and two) find the car. After 15 min. of searching I suddenly remembered I parked near the Hilton and ran from there.
Round 5: After hitting on the poor woman who was so patient with me in finding the car, I dropped her off on the way back to Jan's crib. "Finally I can sleep," I said realizing my sudden and strong urge to use a bathroom. I was almost at the door ... ALMOST... Alas, I ask Jan for some sweat pants and no doubt went commando in them to 7-11 to buy Tide and grab some quarters for the laundry room. Something told me to call Jim to make sure he was home okay.
Final Round: Jim informed me he is at the nearest hospital. He apparently diverted the cab we put him in to the hospital for some physical problems he's been having. When I asked how he expected to get home he said he didn't know. Despite the fact that her head spinning and she was laying in bed, I asked Jan if I could pick up Jim, take him to his car in Adam's Morgan and guide his drunk ass home in her car. She agreed and I was off... commando... to the hospital and then to Adams Morgan... AGAIN! We located Jim's car. To my surprise it was two cars away from where I lost Jan's car. So I guide him to his apartment, went back to Jan's, finish the emergency laundry job can FINALLY got to crash on the futon at 5am. Did I care that I was going to work the next day in the same clothes... no. Did I have a good time... oddly yes. Will I laugh about this in the future... TOTALLY!!!
Fin.
Being a total guy is cool. I've recently acquired my first purchased power drill from Lowes. That's right no more bugging dad and coworkers for their drills when I need one. I also bought a 60 piece set of accessories. To quote Tim Allen, "ARR ARR ARR!". It's phat too it's just what I need. It can be adjusted to different positions depending on the task, it takes all the pieces I bought and is easy to use. Even though it sounds like I'm talking about a few of my college and Cincinnati GFs, I can't get enough if it I'm like obsessed. I want to drill everything (Shut up).
